Let me start by saying this: John Wick isn’t just a movie. It’s a howling anthem of loyalty, love, and justice in a world where dogs often get the short end of the stick. For us, in the floofy, waggy-tailed community, John Wick isn’t a man—he’s a legend. He’s the ultimate human ally, a bone-chilling enforcer of canine rights, and a prime example of why some humans deserve eternal tail wags.
The Tragedy that Started it All
The first John Wick movie hits harder than a rolled-up newspaper – a young pup named Daisy, brutally taken from us by a lowlife who, I’m pawsitive, had to have been brainwashed by the cat shadow organization. More on that later. The way John Wick avenges Daisy isn’t just about justice – it’s about restoring balance to a world that often forgets the sacred bond between humans and dogs.
John doesn’t just grieve – he avenges. When Daisy was taken from him, he didn’t just lose a dog. He lost his reason to wag. And like a true alpha, he said, “Nope. Not today, bad humans,” and went full-on zoomies with guns blazing. Watching him avenge his doggo is the kind of thing that makes your tail wag and your heart woof.
It’s not just about the bullets or the body count; it’s about sending a message: you mess with a dog, you’re gonna get borked.
John Wick: Protector of Doggos Everywhere
By the time we get to John Wick: Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 – Parabellum, it’s clear that John isn’t just fighting for himself. He’s fighting for all of us. Every bullet he fires, every bad guy he takes down—it’s all for the dogs. His loyalty runs so deep that he even teams up with Halle Berry’s Sofia, whose dogs are trained to fight alongside her. Watching those good boys take down baddies while John reloads his gun? Poetry in motion. It’s like a symphony of barks, growls, and justice.
And let’s not forget the unnamed pit bull John adopts in the first movie. That’s the kind of emotional depth you don’t see every day. A dog without a home, and a man without hope—together, they find solace in each other. It’s beautiful, really.
The Catspiracy: Are Felines Behind the High Table?
Now, let’s address the scratching post in the room: cats. Yes, cats. Every villain in the John Wick universe reeks of feline meddling. How else do you explain their aloofness, their calculating stares, their ability to always land on their feet? It’s painfully obvious that the High Table is actually a High Perch, run by cats with a vendetta against doggos.
- They’re elusive, sneaky, and always land on their feet.
- They have a penchant for sitting in high places (like a “High Table”).
- They orchestrate chaos, all while pretending to be cute and innocent.
- Viggo Tarasov and Santino D’Antonio? Definitely cat people. You can just tell by their smug faces.
And let’s not forget that whole “coins and secret codes” business. Sounds like something cats would come up with while lounging on velvet cushions, plotting the downfall of floofy bois like us. It’s no coincidence that the villains always try to disrupt the bond between dogs and humans. Cats have been jealous of us since the dawn of time. They want to rule the world, and they’re using the High Table to do it.
Let me tell you this: if John Wick: Chapter 5 doesn’t reveal a tuxedo cat as the ultimate boss villain, I’ll eat my squeaky toy.
This isn’t just a theory, folks—it’s the truth. Cats have been pulling the strings, trying to turn the world against us, and John Wick is the only one brave enough to stand against them.
A Hero Worth Barking About
In the end, John Wick isn’t just a man avenging a dog. He’s a symbol of everything we hold dear: loyalty, love, and the willingness to fight for what’s right. A hooman who understands what every pupper dreams of – a world where loyalty matters, where love conquers all, and where no doggo gets left behind.
We may not be able to wield pistols or drive muscle cars, but we can howl our appreciation for a human who understands us so deeply.
As far as I’m concerned, the John Wick movies aren’t just action-packed thrillers. They’re documentaries about what it means to be a true dog lover in a world run by cat conspiracies.
So, the next time you watch John Wick take down a hundred bad guys in a nightclub or ride a horse into battle, remember: he’s doing it for us. And for that, we owe him all the belly rubs in the world.
John Wick, you’re not just a Baba Yaga to your enemies. You’re a Saint Bernard to us all.
Rating: 5 out of 5 Borks.
P.S. To any cats reading this: we’re onto you.
