Marvel Studios, we need to talk. You’ve given us epic battles, multi-verse madness, and more Chris Hemsworth biceps than we can count. But there’s one glaring hole in your cinematic universe: Where are the major dog superheroes?
Yes, we’ve sniffed out a few good bois and girls here and there – Cosmo the Spacedog, Lucky the Pizza Dog – but let’s face it: these are cameos, side characters, or comic relief. None of them are treated like true heroes. And frankly, this lack of representation for dogs in your franchise is barking mad.
A Bone to Pick with Marvel
Marvel has over 30 movies and countless TV shows, yet not a single major dog superhero has graced the screen. Sure, you’ve got all kinds of humans (super, mutant, sorcerer), aliens, robots, trees, raccoons, and even a goose (okay, technically a Flerken, but still). But no dog has been allowed to take the lead.
This feels like a deliberate snub to the doggo community. We’ve been loyal fans since Iron Man and have supported every sequel, spin-off, and Disney+ series. Where’s our reward? When will Marvel let a pupper save the day?
The Few Good Bois We Do Have
Marvel has thrown us a few scraps, but it’s not enough:
- Cosmo the Spacedog: She’s adorable, telepathic, and finally got some screen time in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. But why is she still treated as a sidekick? Where’s her standalone origin story? We deserve Cosmo: The Galactic Tail!
- Lucky the Pizza Dog: He’s a lovable addition to Hawkeye, but his biggest achievement is eating pizza. That’s relatable, sure, but where are his superpowers? Lucky deserves a vibranium-powered squeaky toy, at the very least.
- Lockjaw: The teleporting bulldog from Inhumans is a big boy with big potential. Yet, Marvel buried him in a flop of a TV series. He’s too good for that mess.
These dogs are great, but their roles are far too minor for the most beloved creatures in the multiverse.
The Injustice of It All
This lack of canine superheroes isn’t just disappointing – it’s downright offensive. Dogs have been humanity’s best friends for millennia. We’ve protected hoomans, fetched their sticks, and even sniffed out villains. If anyone deserves a shot at superhero stardom, it’s us.
Marvel claims to champion diversity and inclusion, but where’s the representation for dogs? The MCU has cats (we see you, Goose the Flerken), but no major dog heroes? This smells like species discrimination, and we won’t stand for it.
What About Doggo Superheroes from the Comics?
Marvel already has several paw-some canine characters in its comics. Why haven’t they made it to the big screen?
- Dogpool: Deadpool’s dog counterpart. Imagine the chaos and hilarity of a wise-cracking pupper in a red suit!
- Thori: A talking, fiery demon dog who’s also Thor’s companion. He’s literally from Asgard and could chew through any villain.
- Lockjaw: We mentioned him already, but he deserves another shoutout. The guy can teleport! That’s a top-tier superpower!
The source material is there. Marvel just needs to unleash it.
The Dogo Demands
Marvel, we’re giving you a chance to redeem yourself before we, the doggo community, take drastic action. Here’s what we need:
- A Leading Role for a Dog Superhero: Not a sidekick. Not comic relief. A lead character who saves the day, delivers emotional monologues, and maybe even wields an Infinity Bone.
- A Crossover Event Featuring Dog Heroes: Call it Avengers: Bark of Destiny. Imagine Cosmo teaming up with Lucky, Lockjaw, and a brand-new superpup to defeat a villainous feline army.
- Merchandise Equality: We want action figures, plushies, and dog-sized capes for all your canine characters. It’s only fair.
- An Apology: A heartfelt acknowledgment of Marvel’s oversight. Bonus points if it includes belly rubs for all doggos worldwide.
Until Then, We’re Ready to Cancel You
Marvel, don’t test our loyalty. We’ve been your biggest fans, but our patience has limits. If you don’t address this glaring issue soon, the doggo community will unite, and we will cancel you faster than a squirrel dodging a bark.
This isn’t just about movies—it’s about justice for the Goodest Boys and Girls everywhere. Marvel, you can either be the hero who brings dog representation to the forefront or the villain who ignores us. The choice is yours.
Final Rating of Marvel’s Dog Representation: 1 out of 5 Borks.
Do better! And give us treats and some extra belly rubs while you’re at it.
And here is our suggested candidate for the Dog Superhero Story. Meet “The Incredible Fetch“.
